38-year-old woman insists her neighbor take her 15-year-old daughter out to lunch, doesn't understand why neighbor refuses

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 11, 2026 9:00 PM EDT

If you're not a kid person, then you're not a kid person. There is no shame in that. 

Some people just don't enjoy hanging out with children, and that's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person. Not everyone has to prioritize children in their lives, and that's their choice. Sure, you can tolerate them when they happen to be around, but you don't have to go out of your way to make them a part of your daily life. That's your boundary to hold if you'd like to, and that's your prerogative. But are you allowed to do that when cultivating friendships with new people? The person in this story was finding that out and shared their story on the AITAH subreddit. They weren't sure if their decision to say no to an invitation to hang out with their friend's kid was correct or not. 

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  • Cheezburger Image 10637732864
    via Jonny Gios

    Two neighbors wearing jackets greet each other outside

  • Am I in the wrong for not wanting to spend time with my friend's teenager?

    Hi! This is a throwaway to maintain privacy. Also, this is not Al slop, which incenses me as much as it does you, friend. If it matters, I'm mid-40sF. My neighbor is 38F.
    via ASurplusOfDiggity
  • I've become friends with a neighbor. She has a lot of issues, much (but not all) of her own. making. I have created a modest but overall good life for myself. This friend often asks how she can likewise improve her situation. I've shared what has helped me, and things have gotten a bit better for her, which is nice!
    via ASurplusOfDiggity
  • But now she wants me to give her teen daughter guidance as well, and I will not. I don't enjoy the company of kids and avoid them whenever possible. She is aware of this.
    via ASurplusOfDiggity
  • (To be clear: I don't dislike her daughter. She seems perfectly nice, as far as 15yos go. I even let her in my house for a few minutes once! I was nice and appropriate (and very glad when she departed). So if you're going to gripe about me being cruel or w/e, you can miss me with that sh. I keep it completely to myself.
    via ASurplusOfDiggity
  • Also, it would be while we were at my favorite cafe 40 minutes away, so it's not like I could tell her to go home if things go south - I'd be stuck with them the whole time, minimum 90 minutes.)
    via ASurplusOfDiggity
  • AITAH to decline? Is it a reasonable request, and I'm being unfriendly and unreasonable to refuse? Or is it okay that I would decline, because I'm not a kiddie life coach and it's just weird she'd ask me to act as one?
    via ASurplusOfDiggity
  • I'm not going to do it, no matter what the consensus here, but I'd like to know whether she's being a for asking or I'm a for saying no. Thx for all feedback.
    via ASurplusOfDiggity

  • Everyone is entitled to do what they want with their space and their time. You don't have to bend over backwards just because someone wants you to. You can draw boundaries around what you'd like to do and when. If someone is asking for your advice, you can choose when to give it and when not to give it. The person in this story was being asked to take on somewhat of a mentorship role in a teenager's life, and that's not an easy task. Teenagers are impressionable, and you don't want to end up in a situation where they're relying on you for something that you can't give. It's best just to nip it in the bud and set expectations early so no one's feelings get hurt. That's what this neighbor tried to do, but they couldn't help but feel bad about the way they were going about it. Sometimes people make you feel like you've done something wrong when in reality you haven't. These are not generally people you want to keep around. You're allowed to make your own decisions and stand by them. Scroll on to see what happened in this story and see what you think about it.

  • Cheezburger Image 10637733376
    via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

    Two women look out a window in an apartment

  • Commenters agreed that she had the right to do what she wanted to do.

    Redditisaddictive001 Nope, she can pass what you tell her on to her own daughter. NTA
    via Redditisaddictive001
  • Imaginary_Section24 NTA. If you don't like kids don't like kids .. so be it. She needs to respect who you're willing to spend time with and who you aren't
    via Imaginary_Section24
  • shammy_dammy NTA. She's volunteering you for a mentor relationship you never asked for.
    via shammy_dammy
  • Alarming_Paper_8357 NAH -- just tell your friend that you aren't the best life coach for a teenager because you're probably a little too old to really understand what teenagers have to deal with in life
    via Alarming_Paper_8357
  • these days. She's not being a for asking -- she respects your opinion and life experience, so consider it a complement. But you totally have the right to politely and gracefully decline the invitation to share your wisdom with a 15 year old -- without being a , please.
    via Alarming_Paper_8357
  • TemporaryGeneral7137 NTA "Because I'm not a kiddie life coach" is perfectly stated. D
    via TemporaryGeneral7137
  • Mundilfaris_Dottir I'm not comfortable doing this. I am flattered that you asked, but, there are ethical / legal reasons to not become an unlicensed coach for your daughter.
    via Mundilfaris_Dottir
  • Thank you for asking me though. Would you like me to see if I can get a recommendation for someone else who has the qualifications?
    via Mundilfaris_Dottir
  • Salt Masterpiece_592 Neither one of you are wrong. If she values your opinion. It's one thing to ask. Yet if you're not interested in sharing suggestions with teenagers. She can respect your boundaries.
    via Salt_Masterpiece_592
  • NotUniqueScott There's nothing wrong with declining. Just try to phrase it in such a way that doesn't mention your disdain for the company of children or that you think it's weird of her to ask. Just phrase it along the lines of "No thanks, I really don't think I'm a good fit for giving advice to children."
    via NotUniqueScott
  • extac4 NTA. Your friend just sees you as someone her daughter should look up to. She's not being a she clearly values your input. It's perfectly fine to decline to give any guidance. I'd direct
    via extac4
  • her to look into mentorship programs for teens. There are plenty of successful people who enjoy providing guidance to the youth.
    via extac4
  • Nunya-Bizznuss NTA. One of the best ways to get something you've learnt to stick is to teach it to someone else. That's what your neighbour should do with her daughter. It's nice enough of you to be life coaching your neighbour in the first place.
    via __Nunya-Bizznuss__
  • Sad_Mix_3497 Your life Your rules. If they don't like it it sounds like you're comfortable being left alone. There is NO WAY that I would take on that request. Too many ways to destroy your life.
    via Sad_Mix_3497
  • Calm_Violinist5256 NAH, she doesn't seem like a for asking because it seems you've helped her so much I don't blame her for hoping you'd help her daughter. But you are not a life coach and you are not a for declining.
    via Calm_Violinist5256
  • BinkabelleZZZ If you are not comfortable,than you are doing the right thing. If you think of things you would like to share with her, send her a text, or
    via BinkabelleZZZ
  • note, bu if not, keep distancing yourself, and let your friend know, you would rather not share any insight with her,,beciase you dont know what to say or do.
    via BinkabelleZZZ

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neighbors neighborhood drama drama neighborhood teenagers neighborhood-drama community drama bad neighbors neighborhood-stories reddit story karen neighbor Reddit
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